Saturday, February 7, 2009

I am sick and tired of dreams. I hate dreaming.

Yesterday I was bouncing off the walls.

Last night I slept miserably.

I had a nightmare of being handcuffed and taken to some place of confinement. I had threatened to kill myself because my ex-wife/partner/companion was once again rejecting me. Finding a man with better looks, better brains, better earning potential, and a 2-door Mercedes coupe with "WooHoo" license plates. It was just a matter of fact Darwinian choice. He was there. He was better. Only the successful survive. The female of the species has gotta look out for her future. Who would blame her? Its been happening since we lived in caves. But I seriously think I would have won out back then. The sabertooth tiger would have pissed the wrong person off if he had decided to stalk me. And there would be no law against inflicting bodily injury on a man who wandered in the mouth of your cave to break up your family, and steal your wife. No, it would have been advantageous to hold on to me back then.

But times have changed. We are civilized now. We don't kill each other. We just routinely betray trust, cross boundaries, and leave each other behind.

With nightmares fueled from the stories I've been overdosing on while reading all the blogs, it seems to have reawakened some things I thought I had dealt with before, or at least successfully repressed. Its like waking up underwater with no reserve in my lungs, and not knowing which way to the surface.

It time to move on. In fact in many ways I already have. But I can't stop the nightmares when they decide to invade my head at night.

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